So this happened. I received a Regional Arts Commission Artist Fellowship! https://racstl.org/rac-announces-5th-cohort-artist-fellows

My father died last year.

Hi. It has been one year a month and some days since my father died. He was a vietnam vet and died from health problems related to Agent Orange. I miss him. I'm still angry and still going thought the grief. I had flurry of art making in the years he was the sickest. So many shows to make work for. I feel bad for not spending time with him but I justify this by reflecting on him not being around much when I was a child. We had a difficult relationship but probably not anymore than most sons have with their fathers. His illness took away his speech and movements. He couldn't communicate so I just checked out. I sat with him and most of the time he was asleep. He couldn't do things for himself. I got angry a lot. I wasn't kind many times. He spent a lot of my teen and adult years yelling at me and being angry with me at the things I did. He never really taught me the stuff I was suppose to do. I miss him.

dusting off the old blog

Wow it has been a long time since I last posted. 2011 to be exact. I really need to get into the habit of writing. I am reminded about this every time I have to revisit my artist statement for a grant application, fellowship, show etc. The talking bout my work is fairly easy for me but writing about it his an exercise in frustration. I know writing takes practice like anything else and practice is what I need. Also changed all posts titles to lower case.

paul krugman is right.

I believe Paul Krugman is right. September 11TH is a painful reminder that the conservative ideology is dangerous. George W. Bush , Dick Cheney et al held and continue to hold on to the view of American exceptionalism.
As I watched the the second plan hit the World Trade Center I knew that the united states constitution was done for. The USA Patriot act, wire tapping of american citizen's phones, exposing the identity of a CIA agent, ignoring the FISA court, international treaties, torturing prisoners and rendition are all examples of a list of of losses that continues on and on.
I did not mention the loss of the many lives from that day or the those killed in Afghanistan, Iraq, Pakistan and any other place we are fighting wars. To do so would support the justifications of the very people that use September 11TH to further destroy our hard won constitutional rights.
What we lost on that day was freedom. Plain and simple.

one year later.

Well it has been one year since I quit my job at the Saint Louis Science Center.
I took six months off before I looked for other employment. I worked in my studio most days, got out of bed when I wanted to etc. I will never again waste my time working at a place that has poor leadership nor will work for an abusive boss again.
Ten years is too long to learn the value of ones self. I will never make that mistake again.

twelve Days

Has been twelve days since I quit my job. still getting used to it. Monday I start working in the studio.

jobless by Choice

So as I wrote in my last post that I quit my job. I resigned at 4:00 P.M. on March 31st 2010. It felt weirdly good to leave on my own terms. When I told my supervisors supervisor that I was quitting he was shocked. I didn't tell my supervisor that I was leaving and I didn't give a two week notice either.
My supervisors supervisor ask if there was any reason why I was leaving. I told him the main reason was that my supervisor was my former intern and that I was the reason we hired him on after his internship and a short stint at a post facility. I had been there almost ten years and he had been there only about four years when he was promoted to supervise me. We are a two person department. I had never had a bad review and I didn't think it was fair that he was promoted over me. I have more experience in the field than he does and I have more education than he does. I even wrote him a good letter of recommendation after he left his internship to work at a post production facility. He worked at the post facility about six months and couldn't take it anymore and called me to see if we might be hiring. I said in fact we were looking to hire and I would recommend him for the job. I did and he was hired. Almost immediately he started to undermine me. etc blab blab.

quit my job today.

I quit my job today. I worked at a museum for nine years and nine months. I quit durning the worst economic down turn since the depression.

crisp morning

Crisp morning commute. the ride to work as uneventful but that is good. no close calls or agressive drivers.

from bus to walking to bike.

I have not written for a very long time but I'm writing now.
several years ago I got sick of fixing junk cars to get around. I was spending major cash and depleting my bank account. I decided to start taking the public transportation. In Saint Louis public transportation sort of sucks. For starters there is not any 24 hour services. If you miss the last bus or train after midnight then you walk or take a cab. The last few years have seen service cuts and higher fares. So i ditched the bus and took to my feet for a couple years. Rain or snow or humid summer I was walking. I decided I needed to be able to get places a little faster so I bought a bike. I put one on layaway at (didn't know you could do that did you?) at Big Shark a great bike shop with very knowledgeable staff. Here is the link http://bigshark.com/ Check them out.
so i have been riding to and from work and around Saint Louis.
more later.

walking time.

Long time no post.
Today I made the decision to walk to work instead of taking the bus. The public transportation system authority has announced major cuts to bus service and metrolink commuter train service and fare increases. The cuts come on the heels of a failed bid to increase taxes to support public transportation in Saint Louis. The reasons Saint Louis County voters gave for voting against the half cent sales tax increase are legion but it is my opinion that racism played a big part in peoples vote against. I live in the city and was unable to vote on prop M. I would have voted for the tax increase. I believe a city needs good public transportation to be vibrant and useful to the citizenry. Here is a break down, a 25-cent fare increase for MetroLink and public transportation buses, starts Jan. 1, 2009.
One-way fares will increase from $2 to $2.25 along the light-rail line, and from $1.75 to $2 on Metro buses. Both fares will increase again by another 25 cents July 1, 2010.
Monthly bus and train passes will increase from $60 a month to $68 a month. And passes will increase, again, to $70 on July 1, 2010.
I can no longer afford the monthly pass so now I walk. Great job Saint Louis County residents! Great job Metro for not doing a better job managing money!

public transportation

Ridding public transportation in the Saint Louis metro area is a good place to observe and study race, class and humanity as a whole.

Start of a thought. I hope to expand.

day off

I took a day off from work today. I will call it a sanity day.
I had planned to catch up on reading but so far I have only eaten lunch.
I need to shower before I do anything else.

still wary

Still feeling a little off.
Work, home and restaurant to eat.

I have been think that I need to work on myself. I need a new goal. I have been sort of directionless for the last seven years.
more on this as I figure it out.

Directionless.........

buying stuff

Today I visited my parents, ate dinner at a restaurant and bought stuff at target.

Still sad.

still

Work today.
Home.
coffee shop.
Sleep somewhere during this time.
Still sad.

sad.

We had to put our cat to sleep today. She was real sick.
Her name was Chloe and she was a real character.
We were very attached to her. We miss her very much.

arrrgh!

Well I feel like crap. I might be sick. I hope it is not west nile or............
My job is getting on my nerves.

if anyone was wondering.

I moved from North county. I used to take the number 16 bus, the metro link and the 59 just to get to work.
The 16 was called the City Limits passed throught the Wellston loop before turning down Hamilton.
I really like the Wellston loop building. Hamilton used to be an interesting street some of the old abandoned buildings that I liked were torn down.

moved to a new location.

Well I moved. I sold my house and moved to an apartment. I moved to south city. I ride a new bus line. The line is the 95 Kingshighway. The 95 lines is very differnt. Not bad or good. Just diffent.
The sun was real hot today.